Take a Safari Trip at Your Local Gym!

So you finally decided to do it. While forking over around $80 for four months of voluntary torture and what essentially qualifies as menial labor in any other historical context might seem like the greatest rip-off in the history of you, going to the gym can be fun. Think of it as a jungle safari, a vast terrain of possibilities. And like with any new frontier worth exploring, embarking on your first gym visit means being properly briefed and equipped.

The Basics

Now before we begin, you must come to terms with the golden guarantee of gym going: you will be sweating. Let's just put it this way, no matter how you play it, there will be a moment in your campaign of physical exertion that you feel slightly less than perfectly comfortable. And that is precisely why you better be well outfitted for the duration of your visit. Water, a towel and sneakers are all obvious musts and depending on the type of person you are, music and reading material are potential add-ons.
While the right song could get you pumped up, remember that the gym, with its collection of heavy machinery and (if you're lucky) air conditioning or fans turned on high is a deceptively loud place. Turning up the volume to drown out the ambient noise could lead to post-concert type ringing in your ears that just ranks as unnecessary discomfort. Similarly, while you may see numerous fellow gym-goers flip frantically through glossies while running or cycling to no where in particular, reading a magazine while working out can break your concentration and hinder the effectiveness of your overall experience.

Dressing for the gym shouldn't be a hassle because the ideal outfit only needs to satisfy one requirement: mobility. This could manifest in loose articles of clothing that don't confine or pieces that contour to your body and thus move with you. Keep in mind that cotton tends to absorb liquids (sweat) and lose its shape in the process while stretchy jersey material will usually exhibit no qualms about revealing the side effects of your labor (sweat stains). Personally, I'm in love with the Sphere React Dry 3D fabric that Nike uses in their fitness gear, but for a more affordable choice, good 'ol spandex still does the trick.

Now, what?

So now that you're properly prepared, its time to actually make your way inside. Although every gym is a bit different, they will usually have several basic elements in common. Expect to see lockers or personal storage areas, a weights section, a cardio section and (hopefully) a magazine rack. Stow your personal belongings safely and let's get started.

The Mat of Solitude

The biggest mistake people usually make at the gym is not stretching out their muscles beforehand. This will probably be the one time in your life that your middle school P.E. teacher had it right because stretching will definitely help in making your work out easier since your muscles will be more limber. Most gyms will have a mat situated somewhere between the weights and the cardio machines just for this purpose and I guarantee you won't find much competition for space.

The Amazing Race

With eyes forward, a perfectly straight stance and a puffed out chest, this is the treadmill/elliptical mafia. Don't expect them to make eye contact with you from their elevated perch as they pump their arms and aimlessly run towards a goal invisible to the naked eye. And even more likely, don't expect them to hear any newbie question you may have concerning the use or handling of the equipment they're using. With the double effect of earphones and machinery, they can barely hear themselves think.

Bi-cycle Riders

The cyclers at the gym usually aim for two different routines: the countryside jaunt and the Tour de France. The pastoral enthusiasts are usually recognizable by their passive expressions and the extensive reading material in their grasp. They are here for leisurely cycling of the summer afternoon variety most likely to the soundtrack of a soft rock power ballad compilation. On the other hand, those busy living the Tour de France have their heads down, back hunched over, and are preoccupied with pedaling all the way to the fourth dimension. It might be winter, it might be racing season, or it might just be Sunday but no matter what time it is, expect to see these persistent pseudo-bikers working at it and working hard.

The Mirror of Masculinity

I don't know who created the unwritten rule that forever associated weights with mirrors, but for some reason, its one that has been passed down through the ages and one that is followed religiously in every gym. Somewhere among the jungle of Stepmasters, rowing machines and complicated weight trainers is the open space completely devoted to several dance studio mirrors and the weights rack. Expect to see rows of determine lifters with their brows furrowed and chins raised as they complete reps face-to-face with their own reflection in what can be considered the best physical metaphor that contemporary society has for the phrase "internal conflict." Don't be intimidated or distracted by these Ahhnold wannabes and their bursting biceps. Weight training is about mental determination and form, not posing or scowling.

Finish your work out with a cool-down and another stretching out session. The gym may be another social environment, but don't let it its giant glass windows or uniformed inhabitants discourage you from coming back. Pretty soon you might feel right at home running almost but not quite into the wall or pedaling with all your strength up a nonexistent hill. Either way, just remember to drink plenty of fluids and skip the narcissistic weights mirror show.

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