Summer Chic Lit: Diary of A Breakup, Chapter 16

Want to get caught up on past entries in Jade's diary? Read chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 and 15.

Dear Diary,

Tyrell, like most people, looks extremely peaceful when he sleeps. I watched him wondering what he was dreaming--or if he was dreaming at all. I wasn’t sleepy myself and kept thinking about the incident at the club. All I wanted was to see Tyrell clock Justin one good time. Ty is so observant and laid back. No one would have ever seen it coming.

Instead he just stood there never letting out his emotions. Never letting them know how he felt betrayed by their actions or that Michelle is a slut and Justin is a punk. Tyrell let a golden opportunity pass him by playing a mute. Once that dark feeling passed over my heart, I wasn’t able to shake it. I left out of the room and went into his living room to watch television. I stayed there all night. In the morning I gave him a kiss on the forehead and told him I had to get home.

It wasn’t a lie, I really did have to go home. It was Denise’s last day here before returning to California and we planned to hang out hard. She told me about some house party her friends were having in the Hamptons. I'd never been to the Hamptons so I was revved up to go. It was the afternoon by the time I got back home to Union by train and bus. Tyrell was tried to calling me, but I allowed his calls to go to voicemail. I don’t know why I didn’t want to speak to him. I just knew that I didn’t. The eerie feeling that passed over my heart while I was lying in bed was still there.

Denise and I got ready at my house. When I told her about the incident in the club she laughed so hard that she began to cry and her mascara started to smear and streak down her face. I didn’t tell her about the fact that I was disappointed in Ty’s reaction, but since she knows me I think she already knew I wasn’t feeling it. She asked me if I spoke to Justin. I told her no. She told me to prepare for another confrontation with him, but I was already preparing myself for that. We have a lot of unsettled business. As it was I was just happy to have most of my great grandmother’s jewelry back. The only piece missing was the ring, and I will have that back soon enough.

I reapplied Denise’s make up and did my own. I must say we were looking hot to death. I was in a purple, my power color, and Denise was in gold. We left out and picked up two more of our old girlfriends and made our way to Long Island. The ride out to the party was a real girls excursion. We laughed, gossiped, and talked about everything under the sun that had to do with pop culture. During that ride I had a revelation, and it was the best one that I had since I broke up with Justin.

For the first time in that car I felt free. I was a free woman and glad to be one. I no longer felt any emotional ties to Justin and the animosity over how we broke up did not fill my mind. Even when I was with Ty my feelings of revenge and hatred over what happened never went away. They consumed me. I could truthfully say that I no longer cared about the relationship that Michelle and Justin have. Their future is theirs. Justin and I will never be again, and I am finally at peace with that.

I also realized Ty was a band-aid. Although I really liked him, I don’t know if he was just a rebound or if we could ever get past the events that brought us together. Maybe the dark feeling that invaded my heart had nothing to do with the fact that Tyrell chose not to involve himself in the altercation at the club. Who knows? At this point I wasn’t willing to entertain the notion any further. I was going to a party and my swagger was on level ten. I could meet the Prince of Wales tonight. I guarantee within an hour he would be in love with me.

Purple is the color I wear when I want to feel like an empress. It is a shield for me, an impenetrable one. I might as well be in the stratosphere because I can’t be touched. I feel like Isis riding on a golden ankh. I have a glow like Bruce Leroy when he realized he was the last dragon. Diary, it may appear that I am bragging, but I am not. Every time I wear purple I am confirmed. Guys just seem to flock around me. I was almost positive my color choice would render the same results that it does any time I choose to wear it.

When we got to the party, all of us scattered to different corners. From what I could see it appeared that all of them were on a private man safari. As for myself, I refused to stake out an area in which to hunt. I would allow the prey to come to me, and they did. The power of purple never fails. It felt good to be flirtatious and carefree. All the men at the party were cute and well dressed. I ended up spending most of my time with one guy. We seemed to have an instant connection, not the head over heels kind that I experienced with Justin, but the kind that makes you say, “This person is intriguing.” I wanted to learn more about this chocolate man dressed in Polo. We got cozy on a cream leather loveseat and got my answers.

I found out that his name is Greg, he is thirty-two, and is a lawyer for an investment firm in the city. He lives in Brooklyn and is single--great for me. I told him about myself. I did not include all the drama of the summer in my conversation. I only told him that I broke up with my boyfriend earlier this year. After we finished talking, we went to refresh our drinks and dance. Our bodies moved well together. We exchanged numbers and I hooked back up with my girls so we could properly celebrate Denise’s last night on the East Coast.

We decided to leave the party early and headed off to Times Square. We were four young ladies, free and with out a care in the world. We bar hopped, got our drink on, flirted, and ended up partying the rest of the night at Duvet. We partied so hard that the balls of my feet felt like I had stood for ten hours on a bed of hot coals. The next day I said goodbye to my girlfriend. We hugged and cried only to hug and cry some more. Before her parents took her to the airport she told be to take care and think hard before I made any more moves. One positive thing that came out of this summer was the reconnection of our friendship. I promised I would spend next summer with her in Cali.

I avoided Tyrell most of the weekend but I had promised him that on Monday I would go with him to register for classes and have lunch. We decided that we would take a walk through Washington Square Park on our way to get something to eat. Although I still had that creepy feeling lingering around, I decided to shrug it off and began to hold his hand. He gave a kiss on the cheek. All of a sudden we heard, “Yo Ty?”

I had seen the guy before on campus, but I don’t know him that well. Tyrell jerked his hand away from me. I was shocked. I looked at him as if he had gone loco. He paid me no attention and proceeded to give this guy a pound. They talked for a few minutes. Tyrell didn’t bother to introduce me. I couldn’t believe how rude he was being. When the dude left we continued to walk. I notice that he did not try to hold my hand. I tried holding his. I noticed we walked hand in hand for a few seconds then he slowly let go of my grasp.

It is strange that we never know when the last time for anything is coming. The last kiss, the last hug, the last conversation, you would think that your soul would give you some indication that this is the last moment you will share with someone. My body never gives me that insight, maybe I just don’t listen to it. I really wasn’t feeling what Ty did at lunch, but I went over to his apartment anyway after work. Let’s just be honest, I was horny and despite the sudden reservations I had about being with him, my body has needs. Our healing session was unlike anyone we had had before. It was very generic, not romantic at all. I was very disappointed. Afterwards, I was going to put my clothes on and just leave, but he wanted to cuddle. I thought to myself, “Now he wants to show affection. Too bad he didn’t want to do that or introduce me when we were in front of that guy in the park.”

Usually I don’t talk about Michelle or Justin to Ty. I never talked about the relationships we had with them either although I had always wondered what drew Ty to Michelle. I didn’t want to remind Ty how we ended up together in the first place. Since he wanted me to stay I decided we would talk. I figured it was about time my question got answered.

Out of the blue I asked, “What drew you to Michelle…I mean like what did you see in her?”

“She is fun to be around, but when I liked her most was when she was chilling with me. Just me and her alone…ya know. She was the sweetest woman in the world…she was almost childlike, and the sex was out of this world.”

“So that was it?”

“No. We had similar situations growing up. Neither of us had our parents, and was raised by our grandmothers. She had it rougher than me. Her grandmother was extremely strict and was mentally abusive. I felt like we came from the same place and could understand each other.”

We laid there silent for a moment. Then he got up and picked up a notepad from his dresser. He came back to bed. “I want to read you this,” he said. He began to recite a poem. At first I was delighted because I thought the poem was about me and him. I was wrong, it was about him and Michelle. I couldn’t believe he had the nerve to recite a love poem to me that was inspired by Michelle after we just finished having sex not even an hour ago. Homeboy must have forgotten to take his medication. When he finished, I looked at him and said, “I can not believe you read me a love poem dedicated to that chick. So you are still in love with her?”

“Of course I am,” he said in a voice as if to say duh, “real love doesn’t die over a few months. You know that Jade. Just like I know you are still in love with Justin.”

“Well, I’m not sitting around like a punk writing sappy love poems.”

“No, you running around like a bitter bitch, hating him twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Only someone who is in love and can’t get what they want can hate so hard.”

“So let me ask you this, if Justin hadn’t stolen your girl or better still if she came to her senses and said she wanted to be with you again, would you take her back?”

“Yes. I love her.”

“You are an idiot.”

“Watch your mouth Jade. If Justin wanted you back you would go back too. Problem is, he doesn’t want you.”

“Let me tell you something. Whether he wants me or not really doesn’t make a difference. I have given up that ghost and have moved on. Too bad you didn’t do the same, but it does explain why you got stuck on stupid when that dude came around today. You didn’t even have the courtesy to introduce me.”

“Introduce yourself! We are not a couple.”

“You know what Ty…..you are absolutely right. I’m out.”

I hopped up and began to get dressed. As I was walking toward the door Ty stopped me and offered to give me a ride home. At first I refused, but he insisted. Since I had to go to work in the morning, I agreed. It was the most silent and awkward ride I ever participated in. When we got to the house I got out of the car without saying a word.

By the time I settled myself down for bed I realized the creepy feeling was gone. I guess Ty was really more like stitches than a band-aid. I needed him to close an open wound. When I finished healing, he needed to be cut out. I will always care for Ty. We went through something together and he was there when I needed him, but I’m at peace now. It is time I close all the chapters of the Magnificent Seven for good.

The next morning I got a voicemail message from Justin. He sounded like a wounded puppy. He asked me to meet him at the apartment after work. I sent him a text replying that I would be there. Closure is the word for the day. I think it is time that I get mine……

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