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Erin Weed
January 25, 2007 - 12:53pm.
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Editor’s Note: Erin Weed founded the Girls Fight Back program after her sorority sister was murdered in June 2001. Determined to prevent similar tragedies, Erin created Girls Fight Back to educate women about campus security, personal safety, violence protection and self-defense. She now travels the nation giving personal safety seminars and has spoken to over 100,000 women nationwide. The following column is excerpted from her book, Girls Fight Back! The College Girl’s Guide to Protecting Herself.

Sexual Assault

The Department of Justice reports that nationally, college-age women are more likely to be raped than any other age group. Furthermore, they are less likely to report the crime. Perhaps the biggest tragedy is that many survivors have never told anyone about their experience and they carry this pain alone. The most important thing to realize here is that no matter what, sexual assault is never a woman’s fault.

Sexual assaults may or may not involve physical force, meaning that you don’t need to have visible physical injuries to have been sexually assaulted. Grabbing, fondling or verbal threats are also considered sexual assaults.

"No" Is a Sentence

Acquaintance rape is the best-kept secret on college campuses. It is not reported on the nightly news and it is certainly never covered in the student paper. I [tell] the women in [my] audience that the word “No” is a sentence. If a girl says “no” to a sexual advance and a guy keeps going, it’s considered sexual assault.

As far as the hooking up scene at college, it seems that there is a big disconnect between what most girls want to do and how far guys want to go. On top of that, people rarely use clear and direct verbal communication when it comes to sexual situations because it’s deemed “unromantic.” So ultimately you have two people with two different sets of sexual boundaries and zero communication. All these factors can lead to a bad situation.

Team Up to Stay Safe

I don’t recommend going home with a guy, especially one you don’t know very well. And doubly so if you’re intoxicated. Decisions, especially ones of a sexual nature, are best made sober.

I encourage you to meet people, hang out and have a blast! But here’s my rule: Go out with your girlfriends and go home with your girlfriends. This is not only the safest route, but frankly, it’s often a lot more fun with a lot less drama.

How can I avoid acquaintance rape?

* While not all rumors are true, pay attention to offhand comments made about certain groups of guys and their tendencies with women.

* Have a strict policy with your girlfriends that whoever goes out together goes home together. Look out for one another and check in with each other throughout the night. Take home a friend who seems too intoxicated to be there.

* Refuse offers to go to a secluded place, such as a guy’s room during a party. If he tries to coerce you, find your friends immediately.

* Keep dates with people you don’t know well limited to public places. For example, if you have a study date coming up, go to the campus study lounge or local diner instead of his apartment. Be wary of someone who protests this.

* If you find yourself trapped in a secluded situation with someone who starts to reveal himself as a bad guy, stay calm and evaluate your options. Look for people you can alert to your situation and any potential escape routes. Worst-case scenario, look for improvised weapons.

* Don’t hesitate to set a boundary, either physical, verbal or both. It is never too late to say no or to change your mind about your limits.

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Partying Safe: Avoiding Date Rape and Sexual Assault

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